Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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