I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
