I'm really into asian looking animals
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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