wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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