I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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