I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
