Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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