I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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