That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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