If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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