fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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