Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
