when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
