I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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