God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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