So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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