you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
