I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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