I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
