you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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