are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
