one might say we're banned from that church
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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