I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize