one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
