I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
