I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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