I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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