the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
