your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
