It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
