Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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