She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
