i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
