Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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