im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
