I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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