I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dick very happy bro
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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