i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
