How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
