Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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