this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
