I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
sarcasm needs its own font
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize