Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
