I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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