May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
