i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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