in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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