Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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