Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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