If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
In America we eat man semen.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
