So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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