Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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