I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
