Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
