taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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