i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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