"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize