He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
