OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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