hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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