Jerry, you need to find god
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
