also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
