Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's shark week go big or go home
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
