Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
