this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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