Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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