Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize