my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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