In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
