she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
