i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
