Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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