there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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