We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
