We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
