his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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