Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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