I want to walk on stilts...naked
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
