tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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