you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
