She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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