Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
