ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
send nudes
from the living room?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize