I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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