every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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